Conversations To Have This New Session
As the new session rolls in, so should new conversations about emotional wellbeing amongst our children, with some conversations, more difficult that others, that need to be had. Have you asked your children how they’re doing? How is school? Have they replied to you with a generic “fine” and did you nod your head and go back to the important thing you were doing? Dear parents, do you know if your children are really “fine”?
September is Suicide Prevention Awareness Month, and although it’s a heavy topic that many people shy away from because of its taboo nature, the numbers remind us why these conversations matter. Globally, 1 in 7 children and adolescents aged 10-19 experiences a mental health condition, according to the WHO. Among 15-19-year-olds, suicide was the fourth leading cause of death globally in 2021. And this isn’t only a distant global concern. UNICEF reported that 1 in 6 young Nigerians aged 15-24 often felt depressed or had little interest in doing things, based on data available in 2021.
There is no one way of preventing suicide, nor are there easy ways to tell when a child is having suicidal ideations or thoughts: they come in so many different ways, and may not always show in the stereotypical manner of a dark and gloomy child. A child could have many friends, get good grades and have a stable home life, and still feel this way, and it would go completely unnoticed because of what we have assumed suicide to look like.
The solution isn’t to beat ourselves up over every slightly negative emotion our children show and fuss over every single thing they do (this may backfire and pull them further away), but to first create safe spaces in our homes and schools where children can feel bold enough to talk about such negative feelings without fear of their feelings being invalidated or worse, mocked and not taken seriously.
Steps to Creating Safe Spaces at Home and School
1. Open Up Conversations About Suicide
In a country where suicide is still largely seen as taboo, one of the best ways to create a safe space for children is to open up and begin conversations about suicide, where they are taught that there is nothing inherently wrong with talking about suicide: whether they know someone feeling that way, if they feel that way sometimes, or general curiosity about it. If the topic of suicide is always shut down or shunned, childen assume negative connotations around the subject and may retreat from accessing help when the need be, which would alienate them and push them further to these negative feelings. So, schools should open up more conversations about suicide beyond generic calls to reach out for help, and the conversation should carry on at home.
2. Listen Without Judgement
When children open up about negative feelings, it is easy, and easier, to want to shut them down by waving away such feelings, but really doing that invalidates their feelings and tells them that you are not a person to be trusted with heavy conversations. So, instead of shutting down such conversations, it is our duty as parents and educators to listen without judgement nor correction when children speak up.
3. Give Them Access to Trained Support
It is not enough that children are given a safe environment and a conversational door is left open. Children must also have access to trained and specific people able to help them conceptualise, understand and get through such negative feelings. Parents could always start up conversations, teachers could always be available to listen, but in the case where children do not want to talk to their immediate relatives or teachers, the need for trained and experienced professionals would come in handy. This could take the form of guidance counsellors, religious leaders, specialised child psychologists etc. to ensure that children are better listened to and heard.
4. Take Behavioural Changes Seriously
While there is no one particular behaviour attached to children at risk of harming themselves, drastic changes in behaviour, whether positively or negatively, must be taken note of and addressed as gradual mood changes are important signs to check for.
5. Know When to Get More Help
Not all children respond positively even with help and support from their parents and school communities. Thus, we should know when to seek professional help when a child is struggling beyond the parameters of parental help and school guidance.
This September, as the new session kicks in, let’s create safe home and school environments where children know and understand that they are not alone and do not have to carry such negative feelings all by themselves.
If you believe your child may be struggling or at risk of hurting themselves, please don’t wait for things to get worse before seeking support. Talk to them, stay close, and reach out to a mental-health professional or crisis service for guidance.